Spyro comedy
by spyro2060
Summary: Its some years since Spyro had defeated Malefor with Cynder, and now he has became a drinking bastard! This is his story of how he does not improve. Warning: contains strong language.
1. Chapter 1

Spyro comedy 

Chapter 1: tough guy

Spyro stretched, waking up in a river of beer and knocked out bodies, "oh great, I wake up to find out they haven't fucking cleaned the mess up, god and I saved the world, little bit of mess, Malefor was way worse than cleaning."

Spyro then lifted himself from the pub floor, which was a horrible brown colour, all sticky and rotten, he looked around the tattered old pub, "oh god! Did I really sleep in this place, holy shit, I must have drunk 60 gallons to sleep in this place, the person who owns this place better give me compensation!"

Spyro then walked to the door exit, staggering after all the alcohol he had consumed, a big though dragon then got up, he had massive muscles all over his body, a face that looked like it had been crushed in a vice, a nose only a elephant would be proud of, lips as thin as the blade of a sword and a bottom which was so big, it would have crushed you in 1 second.

He walked up to Spyro, "hey Spyro what's up?" The dragon asked smiling, "nothing much you ugly bastard, where the fuck did you get that face? It looks like it's a piece of crushed up metal!" Spyro then broke into a bout of laughter, then he felt a fist smash into his side, he was then flung into the air and smashed into the wall.

Spyro lay there for a while, then he clambered out, "oy! You, do you know who I am!" Spyro shouted, "yes I do you stupid purple dragon, your the one who killed Malefor! And now I shall avenge my father!" The dragon screamed charging at Spyro, who lazily, stepped out of the way, letting Malefor's son smash into the wall.

"Oh, that's where you get the ugliness from, god it must run through your family, your all ugly bastards!" Spyro then broke into laughter again, then he calmed himself, "oh and I have a question, are you thick? Or have you not grown the ability to use magic?" Malefor's son then snapped into action, he grabbed Spyro by the tail then threw him into the ground sending rubble flying everywhere.

Malefor's son then went in for the kill, but then Spyro kicked a bit of rubble at Malefor's son , which hit him in the bits, and made him topple over in agony, Spyro then got up and asked, "what is your name you foolish boy?," "my name is John!" John shouted, "oh, John Malefors son, god I would have thought your title would have been a lot better than John, ha looks like you need to piss off John, go back to your fucking father!"

Spyro then left the bar leaving a screaming John in the bar, something that he would not regret later, that weak little thing could never do any harm to him, he had defeated the mushy faced freak, that's all that mattered, not that it had been hard.

**End of chapter, hope you liked it =D, please tell me what I need to improve, I need to work on my story writing (I am learning how to convince people to go on holidays and buy stuff in school at the moment, the government makes English crap! D=). **


	2. Chapter 2

Spyro Comedy 

Chapter 2; Walk Home 

Spyro trudged through the streets, the snow crunched beneath his feet, the houses were beautiful here, they were all made of solid gold, each with there own were shape, "oh, god damn your fucking parents, why have they not thrown you outside, god! I had to go through a fucking land of ice, get outside, all of you!" Spyro shouted.

Spyro then burst into laughter, then suddenly he stopped, as doors flung open and furious adult dragons flew out. The dragons then walked up to Spyro, "what's your fucking problem you stuck up dick? You sound like a bitch!" The man dragon on the right shouted, the man dragon was quite handsome, with a muscular body, long legs, green scales all over and purple eyes.

"Oh just what I need, the two posh ass holes and the two tramps, oh you all look like you came off fraggle rock you really do! Oh I feel for your children, god having Mr and Mrs stuck fuck up! God I bet you teach him quantum physics form the age of five, you no good bastards!" Spyro bellowed, flecks of spittle rimming his lips.

There was then a deadly silence, then the posh guys wife spoke up, "well, your posh, you own a castle!" A sly smile then crept across her face, "what! A castle, yes I have one, but still I ain't fucking stuck up," he said to the pink posh dragon with green eyes. "Uh yes you are stuck up!" she retaliated, her smile wiped off her face, "I wouldn't call it being stuck up, more just being a bastard!" Spyro replied in a rude, despicable tone.

The two tramp dragons then gave Spyro a seething glare, then the tramp man dragon spoke up, "well fuck you, I worry for your children, what sort of attitude do you teach them?" he had speck's of spittle rimming his lips, two blue eyes and dirty green scales all over.

"Well, I am may give my children a bad example, but at least I don't encourage my children to sit under my bottom and eat the shit that pours out! And at least I don't encourage my kids to lap up there own piss, just to save on drink! Your all sick the lot of you! You poor bastards would have a better time in jail! Than in that mud hut!" Spyro bellowed, bursting into laughter, ignoring the contorted faces of the tramps.

The tramp woman dragon then charged at Spyro, who moved out of the way and poked his foot out to trip her over. She fell to the ground with a bang, her grimy green scales came off her left arm and her light blue eyes filled with tears, Spyro then ran off, as the other dragons ran in to pull her up.

Spyro was proud of himself, he had done such a great thing, maybe now those gits would actually get arrested, actually, he decided to have them arrested anyway, he hated the lot of them, he would enjoy watching them beg to be let out, while he sat around… Spyro stopped thinking about what he would do, "what was that?" He muttered, his heart racing.

He stood there in silence for ten seconds, then suddenly, Hunter jumped down from one of the buildings, "hi Spyro are you..," "ah huge hairy talking creature! It looks like a tramp, don't touch me, I might get diseases, ah somebody help me, stop the tramp!" Spyro interrupted, he then ran off, all the way to his castle.

His castle was massive, it had everything a normal castle had, apart from his castle was formed form solid gold! But he didn't stop to admire his castle like he usually did, he ran to the castle doors, pushed them open, then as quickly as possible he closed his doors.


	3. Chapter 3

Spyro Comedy 

Chapter 3: Cynder

He may have liked the outside, but he hated the inside of his castle, admittedly it was luxurious, but he hated it, everything was golden, there were golden statues, golden roofs, golden cutlery, golden everything, it drove him mad, even his bed sheets were golden, in fact the only thing that he liked about this place was it was clean and even then, he would rather be in a cave, wiping his ass on rocks and pissing on spider webs, he smiled to himself, "maybe I should do that sometime," he muttered to himself, as he entered his and Cynder's kitchen.

"Hey Spyro, get you're your lazy ass over here!" Cynder bellowed as he entered the room.

"Hey bitch, what's your problem, you look like you've been banged by six men for money, followed up with two boxes of drugs and gay Johns larger… Hey have you been having one of your sex parties again!" Spyro bellowed, flecks of spittle rimming his lips.

"Well Spyro! It isn't my fault! Maybe if you would take it up a notch, I wouldn't have to search for some sausages to ease my addiction!" Cynder bellowed, in an attempt to fight back.

Spyro stood there in silence, as did Cynder, only she was sitting down, then Spyro took a deep breath and started again, "well Cynder, you still don't need to have sex parties! It's not right, we are married!"

"Yeah and why should I give a shit, at least I don't get drunk every night, going around treating everyone like shit! Is it because you're purple? You feel left out? Well I don't give a shit! Cynder shouted, smiling after her last words.

"Well you little bitch, I may be an ass hole, but at least I didn't try to destroy the world! Remember, you little bastard, first of all you went around with little crystals draining the elders powers, remember that, when you used to be a fat bitch, proper flying around, showing off your fucking crystals, especially at the end, I saw it you're your body language, your body was saying get free my master, I want these fucking crystals!"

Spyro then stopped, catching his breath then he went on, "then the second time, you tricked me to travel all across the fucking place for you! Then I managed to get to Gaul and you pretended to save me, god why did I ever married you, you no good bastard! Na you make me sick you do, how could you be so evil, then to top it off you turn evil and attack me, you bloody psycho! Now piss off!" Spyro then walked out of the room laughing and Cynder ran after him.

"Hey Spyro at least I'm not a baby, I remember, all the times, oh no I must save Ignitus! You little baby, crying all the time, especially when you saw Ignitus die, that was just priceless, Ignitus no! Ha h, he won't be coming back Spyro, you shall never see him again," Cynder then burst into laughter, then Spyro walked off and as he did he shouted, "at least he actually liked me, unlike you, he said that you were a bitch, that he would be happy to see you die.

Cynder's eyes then flooded with tears and then she ran back into the kitchen , slamming the door behind her.


	4. Chapter 4

Spyro Comedy 

Chapter 4: John's fucked up fortress

John stood there he was so proud of himself… He had finally used the potty for the first time! He jumped up and down in front of his minions, who stood there with massive nappies; there ugly faces were shriveled up, there green skin stretched amid the massive muscles, John stood up, his golden potty sank into the ground and sank beneath the floor of his mighty bouncy castle.

His bouncy castle was massive, it was 1000ft long and wide, it had a, actually it didn't have really anything really worth describing, apart from the cells, which were rubbish, any creature could just climb through the bars, or could just tear through the bars, so the fortress was terrible, the only thing Johns army had thought was fiddling with their ding dongs and master bating in the pool of love, in other words, these people were fucking idiots.

"Hello my minions, today I have done what none of us have done before, I have used the potty!" John shouted, "Well done our master, I wonder what you will do next!" His minions shouted, not realizing someone purple had entered there fucked up fortress, then Spyro shouted, "Well why don't you try using the toilet? Oh is little baby still using the potty?" Spyro cackled.

John and his minions stood there, then John shouted, "how dare you insult us, have you seen our massive muscles! We could crush you in a second! Actually we don't need to, your so ugly, you must have already done that to yourself!" John then burst into laughter, "oh my god, you call me ugly, well at least my face doesn't look like a shriveled up prune which has been smashed into cow shit! You make me sick you do, plus does will be gone in the morning since you have ran out of steroids, you thick bastards!

Spyro stopped for a second, taking deep breaths, then he continued, "anyway, I aint scared of you little toddlers, you're so slow and clumsy, you even struggle to put your shit in tubs of utterly butterly, actually I think I'll just wreck your stupid castle, you aint worth my time you aint!" Spyro shouted, "hey we are worthy opponents you idiot Spyro, just yesterday, we got through a video game!" John shouted in a pathetic attempt to defend his nonexistent honor.

Spyro stood there, and then he burst into laughter, "a video game! I defeated Malefor! I went through fucking hell! You know what, I can't even be bothered to walk up to you thick bastard John! Why don't you get a fucking life! Why don't you go back to your mum you fucking dumb ass! Oh yes, I remember now, your mum was so depressed by your face, that she fucking disowned you, now I'd love to stay and chat, but you lot are fucking bastard! Plus I have to go piss somebody else off, by mother fuckers!" Spyro bellowed, he then sliced the bouncy castle open and ran out of the castle, leaving a pissed of john, in a pile of his own piss and shit, it was a golden moment.


	5. Chapter 5: New Spyro

Spyro Comedy 

Chapter 5: New Spyro 

Spyro sat there in disgust, "what have they done to me!" He bellowed, looking at the picture of the new Spyro, as he sat in his golden computer chair, "oh Spyro it looks even better than you do now, I think I will marry it," Cynder whispered in his ear, "oh shut your fucking mouth you bitch, at least I don't look like an old person tits!" Spyro bellowed staring at the, "it certainly has relationship with you though Spyro," Cynder whispered menacingly, "oh yeah and what's that?" He snarled, "You both can't wipe your own ass without adult supervision!" She bellowed, breaking in to spontaneous laughter.

Spyro sat there for a while then you shouted, "That is so untrue... Last night I managed to wipe my bottom just fine!" "Yeah, but you didn't use the toilet role did you, you used your fucking hand!" She bellowed, breaking into even more spontaneous laughter, "well that's rich coming from the bitch who has mistaken shit for chocolate, remember chocolate does not come from your ass and you don't eat stuff of the floor."

Cynder stood there appalled by what he had just said, plus the laugh was hers, the poo had tasted absolutely delicious! "Hey you know that I got..." But she was interrupted, "banged so much that you went out of your mind but we all know that didn't happen! Because you have had no babies and it's been a whole year!" He bellowed, making Cynder shrink in fear of him.

Cynder stood there, then she muttered, "well at least I didn't get a boner off that fat guy doing a belly dance while slowly climbing up naked to his bunk bed," "what was that, oh... Oh no! Y-y-o-o-u-u has a penis!" Spyro cackled, "No I don't!" Cynder snarled, flecks of spittle rimmed her lips, "oh then what was that about a boner?" Spyro asked a massive grin on his face, and then five words came out of Cynders mouth which just pissed him off... "I helped activsion design you," Cynder said, as she ran out of the room.

Spyro sat there, infuriated by what she had just said, why had she not given him a penis on his new design! He was sick of it, she hadn't even put some hairs, she had just replaced them with yellow scales, how could she! However there was nothing he really liked about the new Spyro. It was ugly; it had red eyes, red eyes! God was he possessed be fucking satin now, plus the scales were dodgy, you couldn't see them, plus the little you could see looked like spots, next was the horns, god had he been in a vicious battle? Because it certainly looked that way, as they were all bent and crooked, then there were the claws, which looked like paper, what the fuck were those claws going to do? Give his enemies a paper cut? Then finally was the mouth, which was really dodgy and had teeth that once again looked like paper, there was only one word to describe the look of the new Spyro, it looked like a retarded gremlin orc dragon, it was hideous!

Spyro got out of his chair then he took a deep breath and shaved off his pubic hairs, he then rose up into the air and blasted a hole into the golden roof, he was going to make the bitch pay! He sped over cities, searching for Cynder, and then he remembered, she was going to release it at the county square... He sped towards the county square, rage consuming him, he didn't even stop to admire the scenery like he usually did on the rare occasions that he flew, but when he got there he was too late.

Everybody stood there laughing, "Hey look its retardedro!" One of them bellowed, regretting it ten seconds later as Spyro shoved a mouthful of pubic hairs down his throat. "Ha Spyro, I have finally done it, I have finally..." She stopped mid sentence as a gun went off and she felt a cold spread around her body, she had been shot.

Spyro walked up to her, went for what looked like a loving kiss goodbye, then shoved all of his pubic hairs down her throat, "that's what you get bitch! By the way where is all of the stuff in the town square?" He asked, "I had all of the stuff moved, even the houses, so ha ha I win bastard, this place is just bare ground now," she muttered, as she died, "well know that that's over with I think I will go home, oh no wait a second who is going to make me dinner?.."

Spyro woke up next to Cynder, quickly switching n the light, to see Cynder playing on the new Spyro game, "you all right you retard?" She asked, Spyro then saw his character, to find out that hjis nightmare had came true...


	6. Chapter 6: cookie part 1

Spyro Comedy 

Chapter 6: cookie! Part 1

Spyro sat at the solid gold table, the windows letting in the morning light, which burnt his eyes and shone on the pearl white ground, he was absolutely wankered, he didn't think he had one sperm left, god Cynder knew how to have some good fun (how do I know? Well uh, moving on). Cynder was dragged into the dining room by a massive crane, was slowly lifted down at the table, then said, "That was so fun last night, can we do it again tonight?" Spyro smiled then was about to answer, when suddenly he realised something, there was another man in the room... "Cynder have you been cheating on me?" Spyro growled through gritted teeth, "Yes I have you purple shit! That was my double you fucked dumb ass! Now we shall never have children!" She shouted, "But what about the ones we already have?" He asked, putting a stopper in her laughter.

"Oh yeah, what happened to those?" she asked, "Well I thought you were, oh yes, that's right, they went to penis and vagina mountain to collect some sperm, never came back out again, god that place is awesome, anyway I better go watch bitches humping sofas on TV, oh yeah I already have bitch that humps the sofa," Spyro paused for a moment then he continued, "you know what it doesn't be seamen to work today..."

Cynder sat there gob smacked, he had never said that before, never, then suddenly her spirits dropped, "hahahaha, you crazy bitch! You actually thought that I was going to change; for god sake have you learnt nothing? Now get the servants to make me something!" he bellowed, "get of your lazy fucking ass and do it yourself you fat bastard!" She bellowed back, "oh me fat, that's cheap coming from the lady who needs to be lifted around the house with a crane," Spyro whispered in a menacing voice.

Cynder burst into to tears, then lunged at him pathetically, "by the way next time we have sex don't fucking role over! It's bad enough being absorbed into your fat, but having all of that lying on top of me is like trying to survive a ten ton boulder you bitch! Now just shout to the waiter!" He bellowed.

Cynder sat there, then shouted, "Hey waiter, get the chef to make the purple little shit bag some fried shit burgers with tap water, you know his favourite, then follow it up with ass hole soup and dick pudding!" She shouted, "Oh yes plus waiter, give her a full pig drowned in lard, followed up by a massive bison once again drowned in lard, then finally ending it with a bit of lard!" Spyro shouted, "Anything else?" Asked the waiter amused by this, "Nothing, now what are you waiting for you bastard? Get moving! Plus get my cookie jar!" He bellowed, startling the waiter.

He and Cynder sat in silence, until the waiter came back, carrying drinks even though they had not asked for any, "wow I totally forgot, well done waiter, I shall give you a tip, if you ever get a wife, make sure she does not become a fat bitch," He whispered, just loud enough for Cynder to hear.

The waiter smiled, then gave Spyro his drink and his cookie jar, then gave Cynder her drink. Spyro wolfed down his drink, then took a deep breath in and looked towards the cookie. He picked up the cookie jar, then took of the lid, to find that there were no cookies, "oh no! There was one left as well, somebody has stolen them, but who could have done it, you bastards, you are not leaving until I find out who has done this, he bellowed, creating a massive crystal around them all...

**Well that was the end of what I think is a terrible chapter, well please review, I have loads of views but hardly any reviews, so yeah XD, I might improve this if anybody wants me to, but I need reviews XD, it will only motivate me to create more, plus you guys must at least like it because you come back for more every day XD, spyro2060 out.**


	7. Chapter 7

Spyro Comedy 

Chapter 7: Friday Song part 1 

**The following happens a week after cookie! Part 2, which will come out after this part. **

**Not for JB fans! Or Rebecca Black fans... Oh yeah who is a fan of Rebecca.**

It was beautiful day, the sun was shining the birds were singing the houses were shining, yet nobody dared set a foot out of their homes because of Spyro... Spyro staggered through the town square, his footsteps echoing through the silence, and then he bellowed, "Come on you fuckers! Get your fat asses out of your houses; it's a beautiful day you know! You rarely get days like this! You should be off at the beach watching hot women dance to Justin Bieber! Oh yeah, it's that little prick who hasn't hit puberty even though he's like 16, Mr. and MRS Bieber really should have used a condom! Or at the least someone should have told him to stay in the shower! He is such a fag..."

Spyro stood there cackling, waiting for someone to reply, but when nobody did reply, he continued to shout in a drunken fit, "oh is that the way it is! You stupid JB lovers, you know what, there are only 2 reasons you people like him! One because you all quief in the middle of the streets like JB and 2 because your all cross dressers like JB, yes that's right children, your mummy is your daddy and your daddy is your mummy, why else do you think you were getting Brest fed by your daddy?" Spyro bellowed.

There was a temporary silence, then suddenly doors swung open and parents jumped out in a blaze of fury, "what did you just say about us!" They all growled, "Wow you're all as deaf and as stupid as you sound and look! I said you're all cross dressers and you're all..." But he didn't have time to finish, because the next thing he knew, he was on the ground, lying in his own, with a tazer rammed up his ass. He lay there on the ground, shivering violently, and then suddenly John jumped out of nowhere and started to shout, "Spyro pissed on the ground! Spyro pissed on the ground!" He then smashed Spyro in the face, which knocked him out... Yes it knocked John out.

Spyro lay there for 2 more minutes, the parents staring at him in pure disgust, "oy what the fuck are you looking at!" He bellowed, as he scrambled to his feet, "Well you just got tazard up the ass by my grandpa, fell pissed on the ground then fell in the piss so...! "What did you just say, you just said that your grandfather did this, well, you know what I'm going home, hey tramps! You can lap that up for me, plus it's my piss so it will have wine remains and shit like that, way better than your pee!" He bellowed, as he shoved past everyone and ran towards the woods.

Spyro ran faster than he had ever ran in he ran in his life, he was a purple bullet shooting through the air, darting here and there and everywhere, until eventually he disappeared into the woods, where nobody dared to follow him. He walked calmly through the forest, a soft breeze blowing on his body, silence surrounding him, then suddenly there was a rustling in the bushes, had someone really came in here, even after all the stories he had told! Well no matter, he would just teabag them until they promised not to spread.

He stood there anticipating where the Dragon was, then suddenly a Cheetah jumped out, grabbing him by the arm, "let go of my arm! Let go of my arm!" He bellowed, but the Cheetah did not let go, "please Spyro, I need to tell you!" He screamed, a terrible pain shooting through his mind, "tell me what?" Spyro asked hurriedly, "I need to tell you not to watch the Friday song, please go warn the others, there isn't much time," the Cheetah then released Spyros arm and died.

It was a terrible sight! "How dare he die in the middle of the forest, he shall ruin my view!" He bellowed, "well I better go home and check out this Friday video, I don't suppose it's that bad."

Spyro ran all the rest of the way home, his heart racing, he couldn't wait to see what killed that mangy thing, it would be so great... Or so he thought. Spyro blasted open the doors, sped through the castle then arrived at his computer room, then even more excited then ever before, he switched on his golden computer, went on YouTube and typed in Friday, he then found a song called Friday by Rebecca Black, then smiling as he knew it was the one, he clicked on it, to experience the worst sensation he had ever had!...

**Yes really bad XD, I will probably just delete this chapter because it is bad, just thought I would paste it and see what you guys think XD.**


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